


When We Had Each Other

by Another_Freak1258



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Asgard, Big Brothers, Female!Loki - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kid Loki and Kid Thor, Like Loki is actually a girl, Little Sisters, Loki Feels, Marvel Norse Lore, Midgard, Post-Avengers kinda, Post-Thor (2011), Pre-Avengers (2012), Pre-Thor (2011), not like in the comics, you will see what I mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-16 13:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2271036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Another_Freak1258/pseuds/Another_Freak1258
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Taking place in the same universe as all my stucky fanfictions known as the: When_Somebody_Loved_Me_Universe]</p><p>Even though Loki had lost her mind, she'd never lose Thor's love.</p><p>(Dabbles in Loki's relationship with Thor from the beginning, complete with a soul-crushing ending that really isn't an ending.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	When We Had Each Other

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction has a song that goes with it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytKUEgEbq-g

The last thing Odin expected to hear as he left Jotunheim was the sound of a baby crying.

He of course followed it - who wouldn't? He didn't expect to find a frail baby on the temple ground either. But he supposed life still had many surprises in store for him. He picked up the abnormally tiny Jotun with care, getting good look at it's - _wait_ , _her, it's a she -_ body. He was holding Laufey's daughter in his hands.

So he glamoured her and brought her back to Asgard.

And they named her Loki.

-

Thor never asked for a little sister, but he didn't complain. He was too young to hold her, but he could still make funny faces at her while she laid in her crib. Thor was proud to be the one that made her laugh for the first time.

But as soon as he was old enough, adults had a hard time getting Thor _to put her down._

"Thor, your sister needs to go take her afternoon nap," Frigga said again, Loki yawned loudly, as if she was agreeing.

"Then she can sleep in my arms," Thor replied thoughtfully. He found so much wonder in the way the baby's eyes fluttered shut, and she squirmed a bit in his grasp. Frigga smiled fondly, but she continued to kneel next to Thor. "But what if Asgard is attacked? What will the people do without their mighty Thor?"

It looked like the blond was considering this, even if Frigga was only jesting. A moment later he replied in a proud, serious tone, "All the more reason for her to stay with me, I will protect her _and Asgard_."

At Thor's words, Frigga got to her feet and left.

Loki was still so very small compared to Thor - who now was almost two years old. In Thor's eyes, it was all the more reason she needed protection, and because of this, the same day Thor could finally hold Loki was the day that he demanded a crib be placed in the corner of his room, so that way they could have sleepovers.

Thor got to his feet as carefully as he could manage, which he learned a few seconds later wasn't careful enough because Loki twisted in his arms once more and her eyes opened. Her impossibly green eyes connected with Thor's blue ones, and Loki let out a soft sigh. He giggled a bit at the high-pitched sound and walked over to his bed.

Once he reach it, he gently set the baby onto it before getting on it himself.

To Thor, Loki had been a baby for a while now, but she had somehow developed teeth rather quickly. Unlike any other baby around Loki's age, she had yet to talk. Not even syllables. Thor was very worried that his sister was mute, perhaps even stupid.

"Okay, Loki," he started, crossing his legs and facing his sister. She wasn't sitting up by herself because he had placed her against his pillows. "Say: Thor."

They had daily sessions like this. Thor was determined to get Loki to speak, but all she did was stare back at him blankly. "Come on, Thoooooorrrrr."

Again, her two big, green eyes simply blinked at him again, looking at him like he was crazy. He huffed a bit, placing his arm under his chin to prop up his head. "Thhh..." It was soft, but Thor heard it and his eyes widened, looking back up at his sister. "Yes, Loki! Thor! Say: Thor!" The blond encouraged, watching her in awe.

Loki was making a very odd face. She looked like she was very frustrated and, Thor can definitely imagine why.

"Trrr!"

"Thor."

"Foorrr."

"Th-or," He corrected again, and crossed his fingers.

And just when the blond was about to give up, Loki produced a small huff that was so adorable and filled with pure admiration. "Th-oor...thh...Thor!" His face split into a huge smile and Loki clapped her chubby hands together.

Thor pulled his sister's small body to his and praised her. He called her smart and cunning and told her how proud he was to call her his sister. This was the day Thor realized that Loki was not stupid, and anymore jests related to the theory would end bloody.

An hour later Frigga returned to her son's room to find Thor still holding Loki close to his chest, both of them sleeping deeply.

When Thor awoke he made sure everyone knew that his name was Loki's first word - and that she was indeed smart. At first no one believed him, but as if on cue Loki started to squeal.

"Thorr! Thor! Thoorrrr!" She just wouldn't stop saying it. Thor meant: _no_ , Thor meant: _yes_ , Thor meant: _pick me up_ , and Thor meant: _put me down_. It wasn't until he taught her more words that she started to learn on her own. And his theory was right - Loki was _brilliant, clever, and smart._

-

By the time Loki was six and Thor was eight, they had shared a bedroom for a long as they could remember, and it was very rare to see one of them without the other. Everyone thought that it was so cute how Loki would accidentally use her uncontrollable magic and make something happened that was just so ridiculous and _how could you stay mad at that face_?

But no one realized it wasn't because of her young age, it was because she simply thought it was funny.

When Loki realized that Thor had a taste for adventure, they both knew what they had to do.

Between small pranks like putting frogs in someone's bed or putting dye in someone's soap, the black-haired child used her tricks and manipulation as a distraction. As soon as they were free to go and had everything they needed, the siblings ran off to have adventures. They never when too far into the forest, nor did they leave Asgard - but Thor wanted to.

They had picnics in an empty field they had come across, and Thor would tell Loki stories or they would just simply talk. The two loved each other very much.

At this point in time Loki had short, coal-black hair that parted to form two short pigtails. She always wore whatever dress she was given, the colors usually green and gold, and she was missing her left canine tooth.

Thor looked exactly like he always did. He was naturally tall, he had a broad chest and dirty-blond hair. He always wore the same outfit: a prince's uniform. The only exception being when he was going on adventures with Loki - then he wore simple pants and a servent's shirt.

They were in the field now, Thor was holding both of Loki's hands, spinning around rapidly. The two siblings had matching smiles, and were laughing loudly together.

"Faster, Thor! Faster!" Loki requested while giggling. Thor complied, picking up his pace slightly.

After a minute Thor's energy subsided, and he pulled Loki to his chest before hitting the ground.

His breathing was heavy and loud, but Loki didn't seem to mind. To be honest, being wrapped in her brother's strong arms was the place she felt safest - whether he smelled like sweat or not.

"Do you wish to return home, sister?" Thor asked suddenly, his voice labored.

She considered this, but from the view they had of the stars she decided to decline.

"Could you tell me a story first?" She asked quietly, almost unheard because of her brother's obnoxious intakes of air.

After his breathing slowed, he pushed the black-haired girl off of him and proceeded to sit up.

As the blond crossed his legs he asked, "What kind of story?" Loki's face scrunched up and she mirrored Thor's sitting position, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

"Tell me..." She started, secretly scared Thor wasn't going to approve of what she was about to ask, "about Jotunhiem. I want to know about the monsters."

Thor didn't seemed fazed at her question, in fact, his face split into a smile and he complied instantly.

"The monsters you wish to learn of are referred to as frost giants, for they stand taller than the tallest trees, and are colder than the chilliest of wind!" He started, his voice taking on a dramatic tone.

"But some call them Jotuns, hence the name of their realm. Jotunhiem used to be filled with them, but when a great war ended about several years ago, most of them fell."

Loki's eyes filled with awe at Thor's words. To think that - that their father - ventured into a land of monsters, it seemed unthinkable now with him nearing such an old age.

"It is said a frost giant's touch can not only give you severe frostbite, but freeze your limb off altogether! They won't hesitate to do so either - Jotun's are cruel, hideous, awful beasts. You would never wish to meet one. Their hearts are colder then Jotunheim itself!"

Thor's voice paused, as if he was searching for more information.

"But, Jotun's do have weaknesses as we all do. I've heard tales of sorcerers raining fire down upon them - forcing the ugly things to flee back into their caves."

Far away a wolf howled, and Thor knew it was about time they started to head back.

"We should start our journey back home, sister," Thor informed using his normal voice, taking a moment to scan around them. "Wait!" Loki squeaked suddenly.

Gaining her brother's attention, the green-eyed girl elaborated, "What do the...frost giants look like?"

Okay so maybe Loki was a bit scared now. No much really just...child's paranoia. And what better way to ease her then to know what to look out for?

The blond hesitated, but he managed to continue.

"Their skin is a deep blue...and their eyes are the shade of rubies - filled with bloodlust and hate. From father's words, I gather that they are truly hideous creatures; scum in it's purest form."

Thor suddenly smirked at his sister, which Loki immediately focused her attention to.

"Some even say that the first part of a Jotun that devolves is their teeth, that way, when they snatch up children said frost giant can devour them. Ripping them to shreds with their fangs."

Loki visibly paled at that, but deep down she knew Thor was simply jesting. But, what did Loki know about frost giants other then what Thor had just told her?

"Don't worry, dear sister," Thor began, his voice taking on a victorious tone, "For I, the mighty Thor, will protect you from any and all things that dare to harm you!"

Her brother's words made her giggle, for it was truly humorous to see such a small, young boy refer to himself as: mighty.

Loki was suddenly scooped up in Thor's arms, and they started their journey back to Asgard.

Later that night the green-eyed girl's sleep was plagued with nightmares of ice monsters, and before she even realized she was awake, Loki was at the foot of Thor's bed.

"...Thor?" She reluctantly climbed up the step - Thor had outgrown the thing, but kept it knowing his sister used it from time to time - before burying herself under the covers.

Normally the blond was an incredibly heavy-sleeper, but he found himself awake after Loki's intrusion in his bed.

Feeling the small body next to him, Thor muttered tiredly, "Loki? What's wrong?"

A year ago Loki slept in Thor's bed every night, but Frigga and Odin insisted that they ceased such antics. So nowadays the eight-year-old only climbed into his bed when something was the matter.

"Just a nightmare. If I must I will share on the morrow, but for now I require rest."

Thor was too tired to argue, so he easily complied. But before he drifted into sleep, he turned over to face Loki and pulled her into his arms, like she was only two all over again.

-

When Loki was eight people realized that magic-related "accidents" were happening almost constantly.

There simply couldn't be a normal day in the castle - and if there was - that would make people all the more wary.

It had been a quiet day. One of the calm days that everyone was tiptoeing, waiting for something to happen.

Nothing ever did however, because the two troublemakers were in the library exploring.

"Please, big brother!" Loki had been trying to convince Thor to read her a story for about fifteen minutes now. But despite her pleas, the thunderer had yet to cave. "Why don't you read to me for a change, sister mine?" He asked thoughtfully.

The black-haired girl's eyes widened at that, seeing the chance to impress her ten year old brother. "Okay! Let me go get one," she agreed, running off.

A small laugh rumbled in Thor's chest and a smile split his face. He couldn't believe how fast Loki was growing up, and he was glad that he had gotten the chance to explore the library with her today.

Thor had been spending a little more time with Sif and his other friends gradually, but he still made time for his precious little sister.

Anything to make her smile.

And boy was she grinning when her tiny feet drew closer to Thor, carrying a book far too big for her hands.

Giggles erupted from Thor, and Loki plopped down next to him on the ground, no longer eye-level with him.

The blond peered at the book Loki had chosen, a confused expression forming on his face. "Midgardian literature? My sister, what a scholar you have become," he praised.

His sister beamed at him. Thor didn't really notice how Loki was so desperate for approval - _Thor's_ _approval_ , so when the blond complimented her, the green-eyed girl felt indescribably proud.

With a grunt, she gripped the dusty book and opened it. "It's a series of short stories, most of them are hard to follow - but there are a few that I enjoy," Loki paused, her vibrant, green eyes running over the open pages.

"Shall I read you one of those then? Or should I leave it to chance?" She asked, looking at Thor.

However he quickly averted his eyes. This was a difficult question, so it took Thor a moment. He - _thankfully_ \- noticed about a year ago that Loki would phrase questions a certain way. This wasn't a 'what do you think' question, no, there was _definitely_ a wrong answer to this one.

 _She mentioned that some of them were confusing,_ Thor thought, _was she implying she enjoyed a challenge?_

His thoughts halted there. Yes, everyone knew she enjoyed a good challenge.

With a smug grin on his face Thor met Loki's gaze again and said, "Chance, sister." Loki mirrored his smile, her eyes shining with approval.

Licking her finger, she gingerly placed it where the pages met, flipping to a random one. _Right answer then_ , Thor thought happily.

The page Loki opened to was a single story. It was short, but long enough to take up two pages.

"Now then, I guess this is the story the Gods have chosen," she said, her smile gone.

Thor crossed his legs, trying to get as comfy as one could on stone ground, leaning against a shelf of books.

"This is called: _A Cherokee Legend_. It derives from Indians; a race of humans," Loki started before clearing her throat.

 _"_ An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. 'A fight is going on inside me,' he said to the boy.

"'It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.' He continued, 'The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too.'

"The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, 'Which wolf will win?' The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'"

Loki of course pronounced everything correctly, and Thor couldn't of been more prouder to call her his sister.

"That was lovely, sister," he paused for a moment, "A great story even though I know not of half of those words," Thor said as if it was an afterthought.

His sister laughed, a beautiful sound he had an honor to hear almost everyday. "Well maybe if you actually listened to your tutor you would know them by now, you oaf!" She remarked in between giggles.

Thor laughed along with her. "You dare mock Thor: the future king of Asgard? You will regret your words, sister!" The thunderer proclaimed, pretending to be offended.

His words alone caused Loki to laugh even harder, forcing her to roll on the floor helplessly. Which made it pretty easy to tackle her, digging his hands under her arms.

-

By the age of ten, _everyone_ knew of Loki's incredible intellectual abilities. Her magic grew stronger each passing year - she absorbed new spells and information like it was air.

Thor was very proud that his sister was so very smart, but he had been hoping that Loki would show signs of being a warrior - not a sorceress.

"But I gotten mother's approval! You must, sister!" The blond complained, slightly shaking the chair his sister was sitting in.

She scoffed slightly, almost flooding with disbelief. "Why would a princess need to know how to fight? Leave me to my books, Thor," Loki retorted.

"Don't you wish to join me in battle when we mature?" Thor questioned, honestly gobsmacked. She turned to face him, green eyes suddenly meeting his in a flash of black hair.

"But when your king you will barely see bloodshed. Kings are suppose to keep the realms in order, Thor, not create chaos."

The blue-eyed twelve year-old's eyebrows knitted together. "Yes, sister. I know. But, you're planning to live in the kingdom, aren't you?" Fear was evident in his tone.

Loki instantly showed how horrified she was that Thor would even _think_ that. How could she do that? Thor was her _sun,_ her _air,_ her _world_. She'd be nothing without him.

"No, brother!" She shouted abruptly, reaching to grab Thor's left hand - which had fallen to his side along with his right one when Loki had turned - clinging to it as if it were a lifeline.

" _Never_ ," she paused before continuing, trying to make her words less desperate and clingy. She took a deep breath. "...While I have never thought about battling alongside you, I have been assuming that I could be your advisor."

Although the blond's fear had dissipated, it was quickly replaced by pleasant shock. "Advisor?" He echoed.

Loki nodded. "Yes. You must know about father's advisor, the voice of reason. You'd consult me for advice," she explained.

Thor's face split into a cheeky grin. "Yes, sister! That will be my first order as king!" He exclaimed happily.

For a moment Loki thought she had avoided the subject their conversation started with, and although she'd never admit it, she really wasn't that annoyed when her brother jumped back to it.

"Yes, you will be a fine advisor, sister mine. However, it would still be useful to have battling skills."

-

Loki was having an okay day, she hadn't really seen Thor for a week - which was odd since they shared a bedroom - and she was beginning to worry.

Her concern rose before it disappeared when Frigga told her that Thor, Sif, and The Idiots Three had gone to the forest, searching for evil sprites and tree elves to battle.

At least Thor called it that. _Battling_. To Loki, who had seen the battle field - even killed a few creatures here and there - knew that it was more like _murdering_. She'd never been a fighter, and the green-eyed girl still became nauseous at the sight of blood, but that didn't stop Thor from teaching her.

 _Thor_ , the one who got _praised_ for _slaying_ animals for sport, who got _feasts_ and had _friends_.

It wasn't that Loki was jealous, it was just, _why did he get everything_? Didn't he ever realize that he never left anything for _her_?

She knew it was selfish, so she buried it in the back of her mind. Put it in a box and locked it.

The only fault in this plan was that Thor had the key to the box.

"But I think they decided to stay instead...I might have seen them in the garden. Why don't you join them, Loki?"

The black-haired girl didn't even notice her mother's ramblings until she had finished. Nervously she bit her lip, producing a hesitant nod.

Loki began walking to the garden.

It was no secret that she disliked Thor's friends, or well, it _shouldn't_ be. Loki didn't really know, somethings are less obvious to other people she supposed.

Frigga was definitely correct, for when the young girl neared the garden, laughter and the sounds that just screamed _children_ could be hear.

The second Loki walked into view, Thor's booming voice called to her saying, "Sister! You must join us!"

She wanted to decline. To run as far away as she could and hide. But she had to keep her chin up and take it. Just like Thor taught her.

"Yes, Princess Odinson, _join us_ ," Volstagg said with a bitter tone, the laughter leaving his voice. Everyone's face had fallen at the sight of Loki, and to her amazement, Thor didn't notice.

_He'd never notice._

"Of course, it is a lovely day for admiring the garden, isn't it?" The princess said, taking a seat next to her brother. The blond side-hugged Loki, much to her embarrassment.

"Indeed, sister! I have yet to see anything more beautiful in my lifetime," he agreed, letting go of Loki and turning to the others.

The black-haired girl gave a small smile before following his gaze. When it settled on Sif's golden hair, Loki knew what Thor was about to say, and her stomach dropped.

"Except your hair, Lady Sif."

"Thank you, Thor," she answered, twisting a strand of it with her index finger.

Was this her fate? Waiting for Thor to notice her again? What did...what did Thor even -

"Loki? Are you okay?"

When the princess realized that angry tears were streaming down her face she nearly died of embarrassment, blood rushing to her cheeks.

Volstagg, Fandral, Hogun, and Sif were laughing, but Thor quickly shushed them. Loki rose to her feet abruptly, before attempting to leave.

Unfortunately, her foot caught on a protruding rock, and she landed face-first into some freshly watered flowers.

Distantly she heard the hooping and laughing that Volstagg, Fandral, and Hogun, Sif and... _and Thor, Thor was laughing too why would he_ -

Loki just wanted to disappear, so she did, much to everyone's shock. "Loki, w-where did...?"

"Coward! Magic is for the weak you know! Avoiding embarrassing situations will only make it harder to confront them in the future!" Sif shouted, her words hitting Loki's ears just before she was out of range.

-

At the age of fourteen, Loki received her own bedroom.

The room was adorned with the colors green and gold. It was filled with fine silks and furs that decorated every corner, every wall, and a few even hanging from the ceiling.

Books of all kinds were placed in the selves, accompanying various kinds of ingredients for spells.

It was a beautiful, very Loki kind of room. And it was quiet. Finally she had silence, the thing she longed for.

Loki's day would consist of reading, practicing magic, and the occasional visit from Thor.

Today he decided to visit.

"Loki! Come on, let's go on an adventure!" The thunderer's voice rang, interrupting Loki's magic session.

It caused her to drop the pencil which she was levitating previously, and she hissed in annoyance.

"Thor, I'm busy. Go play with one of your _friends_." Her words were much like poison to Thor; unnoticed.

Without warning the black-haired teenager's door bursted open, Thor striding inside. "Thor! You can't jus-"

"Silence, Sister! I want you to accompany me with our friends on a adventure to Muspelheim!" He announced, striking a heroic pose.

Loki was left agape, her mouth opening and closing like one of a fish. "M-Muspelhiem? Thor...did father say we could-"

"Yes! He has give us his blessing, and wishes for you to join me as well. Come please, dear sister. Leave your books for a week, it will be invigorating!" Thor interrupted again, smiling like an idiot.

As much as the green-eyed girl didn't want to admit it, it was true she somewhat missed Thor's company. And normally she wouldn't of accepted Thor's invitation, but this time Loki did.

They were gone for a week. And the princess supposed it was a successful adventure, because they returned with the tooth of a large fire giant.

And as usually Loki had saved everyone with her quick thinking. This time around it was when Thor's hammer broke the ground, causing the lava to split everyone apart.

But everyone, even Thor, played it off as if it was nothing. Another way to cheat in the mist of battle, not even mentioning it when it was retold as a story. But, in reality, if Loki wouldn't of done anything they all would have died.

This was the case many times.

-

"Gods, princess. Don't they feed you? Between your stick figure and nasty, black hair, it's no wonder Thor doesn't enjoy your company."

It was interesting how hurtful words could be when you let them. And Loki did, she let The Warriors Three and Sif's words get to her. Rage, hate, and self-pity grew in her each time she heard them.

But she was seventeen now, and was sick and tired of it.

Sif's words did have truth to them, Thor didn't really spend time with Loki anymore. Once and a while he asked her to join him on a quest, but it got harder and harder to get Loki to leave her study as the years went by, and eventually Thor stopped asking.

Something just snapped in that moment. A very, very small domino fell. It set off the chain of things she locked away in that box.

But thankfully, it was still sealed shut.

Loki simply smiled tightly at Sif, that look she would give oh so many people a day. A fake, forced smile with invisible hate and bitterness packed behind it.

A part of Sif knew she was being a little crude. And, as much as she hated Loki, he couldn't help but feel a little bad. Her eyes fell to the ground at the sight of Loki's smile, and she quickly disappeared into her room.

She twisted her golden hair around her finger for many moments before retiring. As she was on the brink of sleep, Sif thought tiredly, _I will apologize to Loki tomorrow._

At the same moment Loki casted a spell. It was no secret that Sif adored her long golden hair, and the green-eyed teenager figured that she may as well make Sif feel as self-conscious as she felt.

Sif had slept in that day, and by the time she awoke Loki was already in the library.

It was one of those quiet days that people were waiting for something to happen. Like when Thor and Loki were children. But the two siblings weren't children anymore, and Loki was in the library alone.

She smirked as a high-pitched, feminine shriek rang throughout the castle.

"MY HAIR! NO, _NO_ , _NO_!" Sif screamed at her reflection, her golden locks falling out with every brush of her fingers.

She would only allow her mother to enter her room after a lot of coaxing, but Thor talked to her through the door, and asked Sif how this could of happened.

For a few seconds her weeping stopped, and everyone stilled. On the other side of the door Sif's blood boiled as she whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear.

" ** _Loki_**."

At this point everyone knew of Sif's mishap, and Odin and Frigga sent guards to fetch Loki for questioning.

She was walking threw the halls with a pile of books in her hands, content and satisfied.

But the guards didn't find Loki first, Thor did.

Thor had overheard his parents talking to the guards, and with a stomach filled with rage he sought out Loki himself.

"LOKI!" The thunderer spat into the air when he spotted his sister. The guards heard the muffled shouts and came running to the source.

The black-haired teenager was actually a little surprised to see Thor approaching her, and set her books on the ground. He was obviously angry, but the princess couldn't remember what she did to cause it.

When he reached his sister, his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, rage pooling in his eyes. "Loki," he started, trying to talk a bit softer, "did you curse Sif's hair?"

 _Oh, that's what he's on about_.

Loki considering denying her involvement for a moment, but, she decided to take responsibly for her actions. "Yes, why is this a problem? Is she not pretty anymore?" Loki snapped spitefully, crossing her slim arms.

The princess's answer only fueled the fire in Thor's gut. Confusion flashed over his face. He was so baffled at the fact Loki would do this. He was so utterly oblivious.

"Why? She's _crying_ , Loki! _Sif_ _never_ _cries_! Why would you do this?" Thor demanded, hooking his fingers around Loki's collar angrily.

"Because she deserved it!" Loki answered, mirroring the hate in Thor's eyes. He slapped Loki, causing her to fly back about three feet. The thunderer grunted, sweat forming at his brow.

The guards, Frigga, and Odin had finally found them, and were at the other end of the long hall screaming for them to stop.

When they got close enough to force them however, Odin commanded his wife and the guards to wait a moment.

"Sif has never truly harmed you! It is all simple jest, sister!" Thor yelled with disbelieve still apparent in his tone.

The young sorceress laughed from where she laid on the ground. Finally finding the strength to rise to her feet.

"You're so oblivious, Thor! You don't deserve to call me sister! I HATE YOU!" Loki screamed back at him, tears running down her face.

Odin had seen enough. He commanded the guards to take his daughter awake for punishment, confident she did indeed commit the crime.

When the two soldiers grabbed Loki's armed she kicked and screamed. Frigga, Odin, and Thor watched her struggle in their grip.

When the events that had transpired became clearer to Thor he looked down at the hand that slapped Loki. When he looked back up he saw the huge bruise forming on her wet face.

" _I HATE YOU, THOR_ ," she repeated as loud as she could, " _I HATE ALL OF YOU_."

The same words could heard seemingly throughout the entire castle until Loki was thrown into the dungeons.

After a fair trial Loki's punishment was to have her lips sewn shut for three years, and she had to fix Sif's hair.

"You wish for me to give her some hair?" The black-haired teenager confirmed, looking for a loophole. Odin nodded.

Before Loki's lips where sewn shut she did as she promised, and gave Sif some hair.

Inky, disgusting, black hair.

-

During the time Loki's lips were unusable, Thor decided to make amends with his sister. Although it was hard, mostly because Loki was still very perverse and avoided Thor like the plague, he managed. And the princess didn't hate Thor, she could never really bring herself to that for a simple reason: he was her brother. No matter what she said.

No matter how horrible things got, she would remind herself of that. She was really close with Thor during the time she could not speak, and it made both of them happy since it was like they were children again.

But then Loki's threads were removed, and the thunderer suggested that she pursue friendly relationships with his friends.

She tried so very hard, but even as a young adult she was still a freak. A coward. The one who cursed Sif's beautiful golden hair to grow back as black as the sorceress's herself. But this time around they didn't say anything openly, Loki figured this out after a while, and Thor - he never protected her.

And they knew the black-haired woman wouldn't tell because no one would believe her. She'd read a story a while back, in that Midgardian Literature book, _The Boy Who Cried Wolf_. Loki could relate to that.

But what happens to the boy in the end is what scared her.

Loki looked for help. Sometimes when it got really bad she would travel to Midgard to escape for a while. Sometimes it was to check up on the humans, they were very nice for a while, but as they evolved she started to envy them. Their freedom and equality.

Admittedly there was one mortal who helped her, he had blond hair and the bluest eyes Loki had ever seen. She took that one's advice to try and be nice constantly, but to no avail, nothing worked.

Then it wasn't sincere anymore.

Somehow, the green-eyed sorceress gave everyone the impression that she had changed. No more lies, nor tricks. But it was all one big lie. Loki woke up one day and simply questioned everything.

Why did Thor get everything? Why did she respect him and look up to him? He's greedy and dumb and oblivious to her pain! Why did he deserve Odin's love and praise but she didn't?

_...Why did he get to rule Asgard?_

Much like the humans, Thor was something she envied, and that hate Loki put in that box cracked a little. With every passing day she'd look the exact same. A forced smile and skip in her step.

No one could see she was slipping into madness. But Loki wasn't falling into it, she was gingerly walking down to it. Everything she buried deep inside was so close to bursting after countless decades.

But it never did. So the princess kept up the serenade, and a few moments would be genuine - mostly ones she shared with Thor - but as her brothers day to become king neared, she betrayed Asgard.

It was to give more time for Thor to see he wasn't ready, she really did have good intentions at first but everything she'd dreamed about was coming true and then the lies took over. She was considering to fix everything, to run back into her brother's strong arms and tell him everything.

And he would hold her and comfort her and everything would be fine.

_Like they were children again._

Loki's story might of turned out differently if Thor wasn't blinded by rage and thirsty for war at the time and dragged Loki to Jotunhiem.

-

There screaming and battle cries all around her, but all Loki could hear was silence. A frost giant had grabbed her arm and - and it... _it was_ _blue_.

_...What?_

But there wasn't time to think more of it, because yet again Thor had picked the wrong fight, and Odin had to save them.

As she stood there as Odin and Thor talked her eyes brimmed with unshed tears as she stared at the ground. **_Everything was a lie_** _she wasn't - was she cursed? Why did her arm turn blue? Liar, lying liar,_ ** _EverYOne has been LYING TO HER SHE WASN'T ASGARDIAN AND THOR_** _... Thor... -_

Thor was cast out.

-

And Loki when to Odin. He told her everything she didn't want to hear.

She ran to her room wailing afterwards, and charmed the door to prevent her sobs to be heard. Loki screamed and ripped everything apart, it looked like a hurricane passed through it.

-

Loki became Queen of Asgard for a while, and Sif and The Warriors Three _kneeled_ and wasn't that the most _fantastic_ feeling in the universe?

She banned her br **_\- NO HE WASN'T HER BROTHER, SHE WASN'T HIS SISTER!_**

And she sent the destroyer to kill him.

-

"I am _not_ your sister," she hissed, voice filled with hatred, _"I never was_."

-

Loki did things in the span of those three days that she never thought she was capable of.

But she was a monster.

And this was what monsters did.

-

But as she was hanging off the side of the rainbow bridge, screaming to her adoptive father that she was only trying to make him proud, Loki learned her attempts to impress him were in vain.

" _No, Loki_ ," Odin said simply, his tone matching his usual unreadable expression.

Loki had failed. All she would ever be was a liar, a cheater, a freak, an unloved _Jotun. Not as good as Thor -_ ** _never_** _as good as Thor and -_

"Loki... _No_! **_Sister_**!"

She let go, and Thor screamed until his voice was hoarse. Tears freely running down his face as his heart clenched in agony. Sudden, monstrous thunder storms broke out in many parts of Midgard in that moment.

And they would last for weeks.

Thor didn't understand, Loki had just...his _sister_ is _gone_ and he didn't save her and -

 _Why would she do this_?

Odin pulled Thor up, and when they were both to their feet they were greeted by Frigga - whom was running as fast as she could towards them.

"Mother!" Thor shouted and ran into her open arms. She was crying, very worried and distraught. Frigga was so overjoyed to see her son and husband well and safe and -

Frigga managed to free herself of Thor's tight grip, and she looked at his face finally. Now realized his ragged breaths were a side effect of his hysterical sobbing. With a horror-struck expression she turned her eyes to Odin, silently asking about their daughter.

Out of Thor's view, Odin's gaze dropped, and he shook his head.

"Loki...oh Gods...NO! PLEASE, _NO_!" Frigga dropped to her knees. Normally she could keep herself pretty well put together, since she was expected to as Asgard's Queen. But this, the All-Mother couldn't bear this.

Her baby girl, her sweet, _perfect_ child had killed herself because they had failed her _again_.

Thor had expected this reaction from his mother, but was a little surprised that Odin wasn't showing any emotion. He'd never seen his father show weakness, and he supposed that he wouldn't even now, but, his daughter had just _killed herself_.

_Loki...she was...dead._

Over Frigga's loud wails the thunderer screamed to the stars, "WHY?"

-

He asked why. And after they were in the safety of the palace, Thor got his answer. Thor, Frigga, and Odin were in a private sitting room when he did.

Breaking the silence, Thor whispered, "Why?" His parents exchanged glances full of sorrow and guilt - Frigga mostly - but Odin's remorse was very evident in the way he was holding himself.

"Thor, there's a few things that... Loki umm..." And how exactly was she suppose to say this? Her voice broke halfway through the sentence, horrible sobs interrupting it. Odin sighed deeply as he held his wife, and looked to Thor.

"Loki was a Jotun."

Silence. _Was this a joke?_ Thor thought, _his dear sister could never have been one of those hideous monsters -_

But Thor's thoughts were interrupted by Odin's words, he told his son everything he had said to Loki.

It took a minute for everything to actually click with him because _for fucks sake, her life...everything he told her...everything he said about -_

Thor couldn't stay in that damn room any longer, and when he left abruptly Odin didn't stop him. He found himself in Loki's bedroom, surprised to find it so torn apart.

 _Of fucking course it was she was alone and scared and full of hatred_. **_Alone_**. Thor broke down again, another wave of painful grief taking it's toll on him. His eyes fell shut as more tears formed, demanding to be released.

When he opened his eyes again he was greeted by the sight of Loki's broken mirror. And he can almost see her, scared and disgusted with herself; looking into the mirror and seeing a monster.

How horribly unbearable that must of felt to not only that your adopted, but you are a _Jotun_. Odin hadn't had time to console Loki before he fell into Odin sleep, so she had to deal with it _alone_.

Scanning the broken glass. Thor could guess what had happened. The second she allowed herself to take a good look at her true skin everything he'd ever said about frost giants probably bubbled to the surface.

_"Their skin is a deep blue...and their eyes are the shade of rubies - filled with bloodlust and hate. From father's words, I gather that they are truly hideous creatures; scum in it's purest form."_

And Gods, he felt so horrible. He simply could not take this guilt and grief.

_"Jotun's are cruel, hideous, awful beasts. You would never wish to meet one. Their hearts are colder then Jotunheim itself!"_

_Why would our parents let me say those things?_ He pondered pitifully. Granted they weren't present at the time, but Odin told them worse things when Loki was present. _Who lies to their child their entire life and teaches them to fear their own race? Saying that_ ** _all_** _Jotuns were monsters and allow others to talk freely about it as well?_

Thor fell to his knees much like his mother had, the silence was soon with with screams of angst and pain.

How had he not noticed that Loki was slipping into madness?

When did she become someone he couldn't recognize?

_What happened to his_ **_sister_ ** _?_

-

Since most were unaware of what had transpired in the past days the death of the princess hit them all hard. They had a banquet in her honor, but not a sending off.

Odin told the kingdom that there wasn't a body - which was true - but he also said that her death was an unfortunate accident.

The prince didn't want the throne anymore. And it was not because of Jane.

But because he wouldn't have his advisor.

-

Tears brimmed in Thor's eyes, his tone was sorrowful with a glimmer of hope behind it.

"I...I thought you dead." Thor caressed Loki's face sadly. Her expression remained neutral.

" ** _Did you mourn_**?"


End file.
